You know...we have some very interesting people working at the hospital. There's always something strange going on.
Among other things, I'd like to discuss Amber. She's a sweet, kind-hearted person. She means well, but sometimes things just don't come together as they should. She says things that we call "Amberisms". Mind you, she means well, but sometimes she just doesn't think before she speaks.
The most recent Amberism (I'll get to the others) is the discussion about whether or not the amputated leg of the hamster would grow back. The leg was being amputated and she asked the doctor how long before it grew back, I swear. It might have been good for a chuckle if we knew she was only joking. The uncontrollable hilarity came from the fact that she was deadly serious. Later, the receptionist jokingly asked the doctor how to bill for this (not one of our most common procedures) or should we bill her at all since the leg was going to grow back.
Oh and I forgot, shortly after the amputation, Amber frantically called me to the cage of the recovering hamster. In a panic she said, "Come look at him, what's wrong?!?! He's wobbling all over the place and he keeps falling down and walking in circles!" I tried to contain myself and explain that he's only been out of surgery 5 minutes. Still partially sedated and missing a leg, of course he's going to walk funny!!!
The day before, another employee heard Amber constantly referring to a dog named Toot. The employee couldn't recall a patient named Toot and went to check the cage card. There, in black and white was printed "TOTO". She told Amber the dog's name was Toto, not Toot and how the hell did you come up with Toot? Amber's reply was "How in the hell did you get TOTO out of that??? There's no 'D' in it?!?!"
For a brief while, she was our "groomer". Her second client EVER was a sheltie. The owners wanted about an inch taken off the fluffy butt of their adorable sweetheart. Amber was nervous and tried to get out of it once she had told the client it would be no problem. No such luck...she promised a client that she could and would do this, now she was stuck. So, up on the table went the sheltie. I wasn't present for the entire process, just bits and pieces here and there. Lets suffice to say that it wasn't long before the dog was ruined. Amber, in her despair, threw the clippers on the grooming table, flopped her head and arms on the same table and practically wailed at what she had done. She stormed out of the clinic, visibly upset and I was sent after her to calm her down. Outside, she was running her hands through her hair and said to me, "See, I'm so stressed that my hair is falling out!!" and presented quite a bit of hair that was no longer attached to her head. Then she realized, "No wait, that's from when I hit my head on the clippers, nevermind." Turns out that when she flopped her head down, she had failed to turn the clippers off and ended up shaving a half dollar size section of her hair, all the way to her scalp.
Yes, all of these things really happened. I could go on in more detail, but I swear, the story didn't change. We tell Amber that she practically has a guaranteed job with us, if for nothing else, then comic relief. The poor girl.
